My Dark World

consumed by the thoughts 
that race in my mind 
overwhelmed by the feelings 
that fester inside 
withdrawn from the things 
that I love in my life 
blinded by the dark 
that fills up my eyes 

the blinders I wear 
forced upon me 
by the pain that I feel 
and the light that I seek 
I focus upon the things 
I can see 
but only if they 
pertain to my need 

in the dark where I 
live 
struggle 
and fight 
unable to see past 
the dark to the light 
the demons at play 
hinder my sight 
as the ghosts from the past 
taunt with delight 

the world where I live 
is not the one that should be 
but the demons 
and ghosts 
would fast disagree 
with my blinders in place 
they can so guarantee 
that I'll stay in the dark 
and never be free

Smile

I always wear smile on my face, because kindness has always been my best disguise It grabs your attention, keeps you oblivious to the murder in my eyes. My smile is a clever tool, for it makes you think I'm harmless If only you could see the ways I've imagined torturing you and watching you die. Your death brings me pleasure, and knowing it's by my hands adds so much to the thrill You should be grateful that my thoughts and dreams are the only places in which I kill. The animal in me is definitely something you never want to meet Because that would end with me smiling over you, splattered with your blood, listening to your fading heartbeat. I would strip down your barriers with my innocent smile, and with smooth words gain your trust All to make you a broken pawn in my sick game that I play to satisfy my bloodlust. After capturing you, I would let you think you had a chance, telling you I'd only keep you for a couple days In reality, the only reason I would let you even live that long is to have fun torturing you in many different ways. You think it's fun now, pissing me off as if it's nothing but a joke, and that's really fine I'll sit back with my mask on, and act like you aren't about to cross a certain line. Unknown to you there will come a time when I get fed up and won't take anymore And I'll let that animal out so you can meet her and the smile to die for.

My Calm

punching walls keep my calm bloody knuckles dont last long suicide wont help now tidal waves crashing down corpse afloat leave the boat we might survive you never know anger shows the ocean knows blood is pouring my mind is sharp my actions quick i want to know what makes you tick punching walls killing you keep my calm from spilling too

Scared

I saw you standing there,
it takes all my will to be pretend
I just don't care.
Nothing ever comes easily to me,
but in my darkest hour
you're all that I can see.
I feel your hate,
your confusion, your fear.
I can take it all away,
if only you let me near.
Its hard for you,
trust me,
you scare me too.

Like a Fool

I underestimated the search
and came out a fool.
I looked for answers everywhere
 and everywhere found ghouls.
i journeyed through the lowest valleys
with shadows as my fuel.
I searched for this thing you call love,
and all I found was cruel.

Darkness

Sitting alone, no one is home,
darkness overcomes her soul.
she tries to be strong,
but in the end i was wrong.
not them. me. I guess i'm not meant to be.
A mistake, nothing.
My smiles are fake,
very few see those that are true.
Lost, confused and so cold.
But here in the darkness is where i grow.

Sinner

God doesn't like us very much does he?

Bits of glitter stuck to the sky

livers live and sinners die.

people in pain, no one knows why.

we each see things

and we each are so blind.

alone in yourself,

falling out of my mind.

Colors

Black and white suit her
like color never would,
and she lets them love her
like you never could.
You think you can reach her
cause she looks so damn soft
but if you really get there
you'll find she's made of rocks.
She'll still come on over
and throw her lips onto yours
its in the way she moves them
you can see she's been through wars.

I Have To...

Writing is a gift, But when left unattended, Transforms into a curse. Everyday, every time, every line, every rhyme. You're addicted and you can't stop. You try, but your mind reacts like you've committed a crime. You start to tear yourself apart from the inside. You try and try but every time you try You die a little inside. This is the last time, this is the last rhyme. But it's not. You'll reach for the pen and paper again. And again, you'll say that this is the end. But it's not. Day after day your mind will be at play. Weaving reality into fiction until you can't fight it anymore. You're torn. Remain in a world where it's fair game, or create your own twisted domain?

love letter & because you see

Love Letter
I wrote you a love letter on a
napkin then cleaned the floor
with it. I presume you're like the
rest, enjoy crushing my feelings
on a surface you can walk on.

as if they weren't broken already...
as if they weren't choppy enough...

Truth is, you have no idea what
I wish to say to you and if ever
given the chance, I'd stumble like
chained ankles of a prisoner who
lives behind bars of acceptance.

because no one has taken me for who I am...
because everyone has tried molding me into who I'm not...

I apologize in advance for not telling
you that on my worst day, in my
saddest hour, I see the color of your eyes
in this ink and I can't help but to stare .

like I've never seen them before...
like they are a non invented color...

I'm too coward to tell you this.
I'm too nervous of your response.
I'm too ashamed of falling so quickly.
I'm worried you might be like the rest.

This is what I get for over analyzing.
Wasted words and a clean floor
for only me to dance on.



Because you see...

For every step to your happiness
You seem to take a fall
With every chase of gratitude
It hides behind your door
For all you've had and all you've cared
Has crumbled and is no more

For all You've had and all You've lost
For all the complaints and all your fears
Not once did you notice me
Not once in all these years

Because you see
I have always cared for you
But you have never noticed
Because you see
I was always there for you
But you never cared to speak

Though time has passed
I want to let you know
That if you ever wish to hold on to me
I promise I'll never let go

Candy Coated.

candy coated secrets upon candy coated lies
something so sweet covering something so bitter inside.
silent screams echo in the darkness as the rain falls
lightning and thunder shatter making them feel so small

you smile that empathetic smiles as if you really knew
as if everyone was just on stage waiting for a cue
and every word and every line were just part of a horrid script
but what if there was a mistake that fell from these tainted lips?
when the world starts spinning and you can't hold on
just look into this story and find out where you went wrong

candy coated secrets upon candy coated lies
something so sweet covering something so bitter inside.
silent screams echo in the darkness as the rain falls
lightning and thunder shatter making them feel so small

porcelain eyes stare blindly at you waiting for your next move
the audience smirks and says "what are you trying to prove"
you break under pressure and scatter pieces on the floor.
internally your breaking a little more and a little more
your mascara runs as the radio blares, glitter falls from your eyes.
your room is your stage an egotistical disguise
you sing your sad love songs about a girl who is broken and torn
with a fragile heart that is shattered, stitches that are worn

candy coated secrets upon candy coated lies
something so sweet covering something so bitter inside.
you smile that empathetic smiles as if you really knew
as if everyone was just on stage waiting for a cue

crimson kisses stain her pale white complexion
whispers softly brush her ears shes picture perfection
as the radio plays and her tears stain her checks
she looks up at the sky and tries to speak
illuminating lies, falling deeper into her own darkened protection
pulling her apart with every line of connection.
her eyes gaze up at you as she holds your hands.
so cold, so very cold you are, you let go, she falls, it was your plan.

candy coated secrets upon candy coated lies
something so sweet covering something so bitter inside.

Cookie Cutter

is there any end to the lies?
any possible way to just try?
look inside, your the one person who doesn't make me want to hide.
ive mastered every story, perfected every game
just step in and erase the torment and the pain
brainwash all the sins and denigrate all my faults
turn me into your little cookie cutter
the one that can do no wrong
perfect in everyway
breathless to the taste
maybe you'll like me better
if all i am is fake.

Moon

my blood red moon whispers reflections of romance and tears
all the pain and joy that took me through all the years
crimson scars remind me and i learn to forgive
its really hard to love when it hurts so much to live.
when i thought i lost everything
you let your filthy angel spread her wings
i never thought all this would drive me to tears
its just so fake
yet im so fragile if you touched me now i'd probably break.

Pretend

who cares if i pretend
does anyone care if i really try
its all the same in the end
in the ending i always die
its always over
and it always the same
i could change the whole story
i can write my own rhythms
it never really matters
it doesn't change the course.

Abyss

i am alone as i lay here surrounded
my head is in the clouds
impossible to stay grounded
the truth of the matter
its no ones fault but my own
once again my soul turned to stone
but never fear
i honestly dont mind
there no telling what in this black abyss
i may someday find.

Real You

just another scar
thats so deep inside
i'd always been so good
guarded from the pain
i've slipped before
and swore never again
it seems that didn't matter
as scared as i was
i pushed it all aside
convinced you weren't the same
that you'd never cut that deep.
i open my eyes as if in a fog
all i can feel is alone
i try to smile
just so you won't feel bad
my heart is shredded
chewed up and spit out.
everything seems hollow.
which one was the real you?

Break Away

when i needed you most
you weren't mind
shadows of the guilt
curse me left behind
the starry skies so clear that night
the only time ive ever known
not lost in my head
if only for a moment
no longer alone
my soul drops like stone
words are never actions
at least they agree
you'll never love her the way you love me
break away
crash and burn
what a pity to scared to run
betrayals the word
no matter the heart
tell your lies
play your games
don't need it tonight
it'll never be the same.

Lost

i've lost all sense of reality now
i don't know who i am.
the world is upside down and foggy no longer anything to bow.
my light is gone that fire deep inside
no sense of purpose anymore
the dreams faltered and died
fighting to bring it all back
revolutionize my thoughts
yet somehow i keep running wanting nothing but to pack.
i used to be so strong, so brave, and true.
all of a sudden i'm nothing.
do i owe that to you?

Be

my heart is bending and i swear its going to break
i trip and i stumble how much more will this take?
i'm so afraid of falling cuz i dont know whats in store.
i wish in this life there could be so much more.
a life where i dont have to fake it where i dont have to pretend to see.
just some place where one can simply be.

Shadow

i'm a secret for the darkness
the shadow on the wall
i don't need you there to catch me
believe me i never fall
theres no weakness
brought up only by pain
look me up and down
ravish me with those eyes
it makes no difference
you have nothing to gain
because time had been kind
with the cruelest of fate.

Fake

i promised myself i'd never do it again.
i swore i wouldn't let this feeling win.
but i guess i didn't.
ive never felt this way
its a crazy wish, a hopeful tear
when im with you, gone are my fears.
theres so much i want to say
all that you are is breathtaking to me
you've got that smile
that melts me to my core.
even though ive never felt so right
i can't help but wonder
is it worth opening that door
yet theres no way of knowing
it could change it all
all you'd have to do is let me fall
to drown in disappointment
im bouncing on this roller coaster
disappearing between my hope and worry.
ive surrendered it all
the highest of stakes
even if for just a moment
please don't be that fake.